Maeve's Blog

September 2019. The last time I attended a concert. We stole away for a child-free night in Galway, threw our bags in the room and headed straight into town. We ate at our leisure, amidst the clink of delph and human chatter, before slip-streaming into the current of people moving through a busy Main Street. Alive with giddiness, we found a cocktail bar that was dim enough to make day-time drinking feel permissible.

Later, as we almost skipped to the venue, nervous anticipation bubbled in my belly. It had been a while since I had been to a gig like this. Years! I wondered if I’d have the same experience now that I was… more mature, let’s say.

When we caught sight of the enormous, red-and-white-striped, three-peaked marquee our feet sped up. In the venue the air of excitement was palpable. Groups of friends clutching plastic pints huddled closely together, talking and laughing loudly, probably sharing stories of past gigs and mischiefs. Notes of cigarette smoke, cut grass and perfume mingled in the air. We settled ourselves into the crowd and people-watched to get a feel of the general vibe. Spirits were high.

The warm-up act was good. My body swayed, opening up potent memories of the magic of live music. Unwilling to lose our spot in the packed tent, we took turns during the intermission to go to the bar. Nervousness returned to my belly. What if I didn’t enjoy it as much as I used to?

Then they appeared on stage and a huge cheer rose up, filling the entire space. We looked at each other, eyes and smiles wide, hands clasped in front of our chests, almost in prayer. 

‘Please let this be everything we hope it will be’. 

They drop the first beat and the stage explodes in light. Another cheer cascades through the crowd. The experience is utterly thrilling. The music kicks in and the ground oscillates, sending vibrations into our feet and shooting up through our bodies. My entire being is drenched in sound. I have no choice but to move. Closing my eyes I completely immerse myself in the music. 

The layered beats and tones send tingles down my spine and cause a rush of dopamine to flood my system, pulsing a soft electrical charge over the surface of my skin. I lose myself to the music and allow it to take me on a journey to a place where there is no time and space, only pure beingness. When I open my eyes a swirling, multicoloured laser display draws me in and holds me in a trance momentarily. I look around the crowd and sense our individual energies merging into one collective mass. We are completely at the mercy of the two maistros on stage who are masterfully shaping and moulding us as they please with the skillful twists and flicks of buttons on their ‘control panels’. 

I turn to him and our eyes meet. There is a mix of awe and exultation on his face. We laugh, both throwing our heads back in unison and I let out a ‘Whooooooo’.

The beat and tempo changes and it takes our bodies and senses a few seconds to adjust until we are swept away again on magical soundwaves. My spirit is set free and soars high, like an emancipated dove. Musical notes dance inside and around me, playfully tickling my senses. Then the music crescendos like a giant wave breaking on the shore. Almost involuntarily, my arms fly up into the air. The entire audience does the same and I am struck by the physical display of collective consciousness. There is no ‘me’ or ‘I’ in this marquee, we are one – moving as one, sensing as one, being as one. I swim deep into the belly of the music and ride the waves of love, unity and joy that wash over us.  

When the music comes to an end they vacate the stage to a chorus of cheers and whistles. I am brought back to reality and into my physical body, that I realise is aching and tired. I wrap my arms around him and thank him. As the crowd starts to disperse and we shuffle outside to find a seat I feel a tinge of sadness. Can we not stay in this tent forever? 

On the drive home the next day we reflect on shared memories and stand-out moments. As I stare out the window I drift into deeper thought. All those years going to live events, I realized then, I wasn’t chasing the music or the experience. I was chasing the feeling. The feeling of deep connection with other human beings having a shared experience. That feeling of unity, of oneness.

God, I miss going to gigs.